Well I am writing because I am struggling today with the fact that I can't have another child. It is very hard when your five year old says "maybe Mommy will have another baby". I know that sounds so simple to hear to most people but not to me. It is just so hard for me to know that I was going to start trying to have a second baby and then I found out I had cancer. For some reason today I am beating myself up that I waited so long to want to have another one...but I know everything happens for a reason. That is what Billy told me today..."There is a reason for all of this." But it definitely stinks! Yesterday we were just hanging out in the living room when Jackson said that and for some reason it has just stuck with me....I guess because I think about it all the time but for him to bring it up..it does sting a little. We discussed with him that I couldn't have another one but that maybe we could help out a baby that didn't have a home one day. So today please pray that I have strength to understand why things happened the way they did....I am so grateful that I have Jackson because he is the best kid! He told me today at the restaurant "Mommy I am a million times better because you are my Mommy".....man I love that child!

Pink Everywhere

Well today I went to the 3 day closing ceremonies. It was amazing to say the least. I really wish I would have participated more..next year I will. I was so proud of Penny and Jodie for walking for us. It means so much to me that they did this. I am also proud of Holli and Dana for walking. I am so impressed with Dana that she had the strength and energy to accomplish this after everything that she has gone through. My goal is to be ready next year to participate whether it be walking or working on the crew. I will be there. They raised 6 1/2 million dollars with the 3 day walk......I know that one day there will be life without cancer!!! You have to believe that things can change. I was so glad to have Jackson and Billy there with me to experience this.......

Hello Followers

Well...I am a horrible blogger...I have not written on here in forever. It has been a lot harder to get this done since I have been back to work. Life is crazy! Jackson is now playing soccer with the YMCA and he is doing pretty good. He is doing so much better than he did two years ago. He is really getting in there. They won one game and lost one game. The game they played Saturday..they won 7-0! He didn't score a goal yet. He is good at assisting and then the other player scores. It is so much fun watching him out there. He always looks over at us after a play is done and either gives a thumbs up or an arms out expression if he can't believe what just happened. I will post some pictures of his games.

I am doing good medically. Things have been calm lately. Thank goodness. Doctors appointments are pretty spread out. I have been having some trouble with my arthritis infusion not lasting the whole 8 weeks....so now they have me back on steroids until my next infusion...hopefully we can get that working again...b/c I hate being on a steriod. I will have my reconstructive surgery November 21st. I was planning to have it October during our break but I was concerned about not having enough recovery time. When I have it in November I will have the whole week to recover. I don't go to the oncologist again until December. In December I will have another CT scan mainly for mine and Billy's sanity. They usually don't do one this soon but he said we could if we wanted to. So of course we said yes! I am going to hold off on the "girl" surgeries.....I went to a new gyno and she said that she didn't recommend me having a hysterectomy but to have an ovarectomy..not sure the spelling......she said that I could do it laproscopacly (sp).....I think I will wait until the summer time though. With having such a high chance of ovarian cancer this will be a good thing to have done. With having this said.....I will not be able to have my own child again..which is heartbreaking to me since I was planning on that...but Billy and I have agreed that if we still want to have another one, we will adopt in a few years. I am just happy to have Jackson and for him to be healthy. I don't want to put myself at risk to have another and then have something happen to me.....

Well enough of that talk....

I am so happy to not have to wear a hat anymore....My class has been so great about it to. My hair is coming back in pretty fast. Excited to have my new little short do! :)