Sunday, October 30, 2011
Well I am writing because I am struggling today with the fact that I can't have another child. It is very hard when your five year old says "maybe Mommy will have another baby". I know that sounds so simple to hear to most people but not to me. It is just so hard for me to know that I was going to start trying to have a second baby and then I found out I had cancer. For some reason today I am beating myself up that I waited so long to want to have another one...but I know everything happens for a reason. That is what Billy told me today..."There is a reason for all of this." But it definitely stinks! Yesterday we were just hanging out in the living room when Jackson said that and for some reason it has just stuck with me....I guess because I think about it all the time but for him to bring it up..it does sting a little. We discussed with him that I couldn't have another one but that maybe we could help out a baby that didn't have a home one day. So today please pray that I have strength to understand why things happened the way they did....I am so grateful that I have Jackson because he is the best kid! He told me today at the restaurant "Mommy I am a million times better because you are my Mommy".....man I love that child!